Goodbye, My Matthew
I must be the only mom who dreads seeing this sight.
My son inspires me so. He starts every day as though the previous day never happened. Every single day is a clean slate for him.
Today is Matthew's first day of 3rd grade. He's so very excited to go back to school, to go back to a place where so many people don't understand him. But he goes, face first, and with all of the faith in the world that today will be a better day for him. Sometimes, it is, but many times, it's hard. He tries to cope. I try to cope.
When he gets home from school, he's exhausted, overwhelmed, spinning. He unwinds for an hour or so, then little details of his day begin to emerge, and I wish so badly that I could do this all for him. It was easier for me, I wasn't Autistic.
I love you so very much, my brave son. I want so much for you. Fight, little buddy. I'll be here to listen, to hold you and rock you, while silent tears just stream down my face for you.
Will you ever know? Will it ever occur to you, how very many tears we've cried for you? Most have been proud tears, many have been angry, burning tears, that the world around you doesn't understand how absolutely wonderful you are, my darling son.
But I do. Have a great first day of 3rd Grade, Matthew.
Love, Mama.
Comments
Isn't it hard??? I just miss him so much, I want to protect him, but at the same time, I know he has to do this. Ugh!
((( hug to you, Ruthie ))))
I *know* how you feel, hunny, and there aren't alot of moms who can really say that.
Karen
Sorry I'm just now seeing this INCREDIBLE post! Although it made me cry, I have to say that you've mirrored what I feel about the first day of school. I absolutely DESPISE when that day comes around. My children aren't autistic or have any other illnesses (other than one being ADHD and one being bipolar). I so much enjoy the summer months when I get to learn from my kids. We never know what another day will bring and we do so much traveling and exploring new places with new adventures. My kids (besides my 4th grader are teenagers! I guess this makes me crazy, but I like it that way! lol They're a blast for me and I don't want to share them with the school crowd. I'm selfish, I know. Besides having to share them, there's also the "another year older" thing. Translated, means another year closer to me losing them to the world (and that's worse than losing them to school). Empty nesting has been a hard road for me. I've been a mom since I was 17 and I don't let go easily. Maybe as each one leaves the nest, it will get eassier but I doubt it.
Thanks for this beautiful post! Good luck to you Mr. Matthew!